A simple, practical exercise is to breathe in to a slow count of five, hold that breath for five, then exhale for a slow count of ten, and pause for another count of five. Do that three times – just one minute and fifteen seconds of breathing – and see how you feel.

Rest” doesn’t just mean sleep – though of course sleep is essential. Rest also includes switching from one type of activity to another. Mental energy, like stress, has a cycle it runs through, an oscillation from task focus to processing and back to task focus. The idea that you can use “grit” or “self-control” to stay focused and productive every minute of every day is not merely incorrect, it is gaslighting, and it is potentially damaging your brain.

The pleasure of synchronized movement is built into our biology, and it’s a powerful tool to access your greatest well-being.

As Naomi Wolf puts it, “A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience.” Thin bodies are the bodies of women who behave themselves.

When you are cruel to yourself, contemptuous and shaming, you only increase the cruelty of the world; when you are kind and compassionate to yourself, you increase the kindness and compassion in the world. Being compassionate toward yourself- not self-indulgent or self-pitying, but kind- is both the least you can do and the single most important thing you can do to make the world a better place... the world is changed when we change.

And the answer is, of course, “Ugh, patriarchy.

And what a men-as-default, puritanical culture expects, wants, and likes is pleasure for men and babies for women.

Sexual violence often doesn’t look like what we think of as “violence” – only rarely is there a gun or knife; often there isn’t even “aggression” as we typically think of it. There is coercion and the removal of the targeted person’s choice about what will happen next.

Turn toward that self-critical part of you with kindness and compassion. Thank her for the hard work she has done to help you survive.

When you were born, you were deeply, gloriously satisfied with each and every part of your body.